


So Much Explained, and Still to Explore

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Kolinahr, M/M, Possibly an AU dependent on what unfolds in Season 2 of Star Trek Discovery, Space Husbands, Space Husbands reunion, Star Trek Discovery inclusive, TMP era, This may not be in line with what happens in Season 2 of Discovery, fixit, the motion picture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 15:16:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: Spock further explains to Jim why he left to achieve Kolinahr(I have a cold as I write this; So, if there are any glaring oversights, please, do forgive me them.)my brain feels ridiculous, but you can’t control when you get a story idea, and I have been so long without even an inkling of one!





	So Much Explained, and Still to Explore

So Much Love Explained, and Still to Explore.

Written over: Feb 4th and 5th 2019

 

“I read your letter.” Jim said, as he stepped in to Spock’s quarters, and the door closed behind him.

“Are you informing of such solely because I asked you to do so?” Spock managed to enquire.

“No.” Jim braved. “Though, I owe you an apology, too, Spock. I don’t have many good prospects as your lover, because I apparently had no instinct for what you were going through. I’m so sorry that I let you down so badly.”

“I kept some aspects from you, Jim. We were taking the Bond process slowly, and, this meant that I was more easily able to shield some of my thoughts. I was convinced that the faint call of V’ger was, again, the Red Angel. I believed that it had come back again, because, secretly, I was allowing myself to be more empathically swayed than is good for my Vulcan species. I feared that I was being too openly in love with you; too open in general. I feared for you, and for myself, and those around us, should the Red ‘Angels’ somehow be making contact again, and I did not learn from that earlier chapter in my life, in which they played a part. I handled things wrongly then, and did so again, when I left you, and began Kolinahr. I believed, at the very least, that I was mentally unstable, whether or not they were truly contacting me – and, I was about to leave Vulcan, having believed I had achieved Kolinahr, when, again, I heard what I know know was V’Ger; closer and different in signature to the Red Angel, I knew that my fears and perceptions had made sure I was mistaken in my misidentification of who was contacting me. I knew I was needed to help the situation that was building around V’ger, and, I knew that there was a chance that I might be able to start listening to the fact that you need me. Until I actually encountered V’ger, I was still unsure of allowing myself emotions, since fear had led me, at first, to assume that V’ger was something it was not; Upon meeting V’ger, I realised that part of what it searched for was a balance of logic and emotion. I now realise it is what I want and need, too.” Spock had tried to say everything, and say it all in the right order and the right fashion, but he was controlling his nerves, as he stopped talking. He then added. “As I also said in my letter, I want and need you. I believe I am damaging us both by continually ignoring the fact that part of my being in love with you, is wanting to be with you, and I can no longer see a reason that, if you’re still wanting and willing to be with me, we should not be.”

Jim knew he had been silent for what felt like forever. He reached for Spock’s hands and held them, before attempting to speak. “I am wanting, and willing, to be with you. I know I told that damn reporter recently, that I’m not interested in you romantically, or, at the very least, I let him believe that. I owe you, and your people, an apology for the flippant things I said about your mating practices. I wouldn’t care if it was true that you can only be capable of having sex, or, proverbially speaking, pitching rather than catching, once every seven years.It is true that I find the female form beguiling, but I have also had relationships with males I’ve lusted over just as much. You, I am more completely in love with, than I have been with anyone before. I know I am, literally, completely in love with you. I said what I said because I was still trying to get over you. I thought I could never have you, and I thought that you wouldn’t want me to confirm our relationship.”

“I never once, meant to be homophobic, Jim. Yes, some Vulcans see homosexuality in their own species, and, perhaps, in some other species, to be illogical, because it is more difficult, though, these days, not impossible, for Vulcan same sex couples, to procreate. Other Vulcans see homosexuality as only logical for their species, if a person wishes to ensure they won’t, accidentally, become a parent. It is also noted that because procreation cannot be ‘hidden behind’, homosexual love is admitted to only by Vulcans who, by their very life ‘choice’ more openly admit to love. Some of my people see us as more needy, less adhering to logic. They already see me in this way because I am half human.” Spock paused. “Due to hybrid status, it is unlikely that I will ever achieve biological parenthood, no matter who I choose to be with. So, why now, at this point in my life, commit myself to someone I don’t want to be with? There is no real logic in that. I can more confidently see that now. There is, however, real love, and logic, in my choosing to be with you, if you will have me, in spite of my biological faults?”

“I will, T’hy’la. I will. Just as you love me in spite of any fault I have.” Jim noted. “Besides which, the faults you speak of, are not faults, per se. They are ‘just’ biology. They are certainly no reason for me not to love you, and they are definitely not enough reason for me to think less of you, or this relationship. I looked up the word T’hy’la while you were gone. It is what we are, Spock. You were right. You are right. I know that you walked away to protect me, but we have always been better off when we’re together.” Jim brushed Spock’s hands with his; warmly, reverently, and with the great affection his love of Spock held.

“I know, and what’s more, is, I do love you. I am in love with you.” Spock promised Jim.

“I know, and I you.” Jim pledged to Spock.

“May we kiss now?” Spock boldly, but unassumingly, asked.

“However you want to.” Jim affirmed

In the Vulcan, and the Human, way.” Spock admitted.

Jim stepped up even closer to Spock. He caressed Spock’s fingers with his, and tilted his face up, meeting Spock’s lips.

Tonight, they would make love again.

A kiss didn’t always mean that sex would follow, but this kiss, these kisses, did speak of sex, of making love.


End file.
